Early in my parenting journey, I stumbled upon a powerful realization: the way we raise children has remarkable parallels to how we lead teams. That realization only deepened after writing The Choices System, a framework designed to teach children responsibility through action-consequence learning.

This framework is not only relevant to parenting or education, it is also applicable to leadership at every level.

Let me explain.

Choice is Power But Not Chaos

In the workplace, we know that autonomy drives motivation. Zein makes the same point for children: giving them the power to choose, even between two options, builds confidence and decision-making ability.

As leaders, we often default to telling. What if we offered more guided choices instead?

• Would you prefer to lead this meeting or support with the follow-up?

• Do you want to focus on feature A or B for this sprint?

Like children, adults feel valued when they’re consulted. When people help shape the path, they’re far more likely to commit to walking it.

Involve Them in the Decision, Even When the Outcome’s Set

Even when the decision has already been made, children benefit greatly from being involved in the process.

This resonates deeply in corporate leadership. When a difficult call is made - restructuring, strategic shifts, policy changes - employees don’t necessarily expect their vote to decide the outcome. But they do expect context, respect, and a chance to be heard.

A simple explanation of the reasoning can turn resistance into understanding. A voice in the process is not the same as veto power, but it’s a powerful form of inclusion.

Mistakes Are Teachers, Not Threats

One of my favorite takeaways from The Choices System is how it handles mistakes. Children are allowed, even encouraged, to make choices that might not work out.

Why? Because consequences are natural teachers.

Adults need the same space.

Leadership isn’t about preventing every mistake, it’s about building an environment where people can safely learn from them. Zein suggests letting your child decorate their room in purple and gold, even if they hate it six months later. That lesson? Invaluable.

What are our team members not learning because we're too quick to "fix" things for them?

Focus More on the Positive

This system is built on noticing and rewarding good behavior, rather than simply punishing the bad. It reminds me how easy it is to slip into "problem-fixing" mode as a leader and forget to reinforce what's working well.

Recognition doesn’t need to be dramatic. A quiet “I saw how you handled that situation with the client, really thoughtful,” can be more powerful than a formal award. Attention, especially positive attention, is the currency of influence - for kids and for adults.

What This Taught Me About Leadership

Parenting and leadership share a core truth: we’re in the business of growing people. Both roles demand patience, structure, empathy, and trust in someone else’s potential.

The choices framework is a reminder that responsibility isn’t taught, it’s practiced. And we can only practice it if we’re allowed to make decisions and face the outcomes.

So whether you're managing a classroom or a company, here’s a final question to consider:

Are you building followers, or future decision-makers?